Friday, September 10, 2004

Take A Chance On Me

Another heartwrenching semi-final loss for Capriati. 2nd consecutive year that she lost such a close match at the US Open semis. Just a matter of a few points. The disappointment must be harrowing. A few errant shots here, a few bad decisions made, and it was over. She was totally unable to convert on her break-points (where one would win the opponent's service game), chances that slipped past her at least a dozen times.

Chance after chance, when would we be able to capitalise on these crucial moments and make the best out of it? How many times do we have to allow chances to slip past us, before staring down at defeat? How many chances have we got before our friends give up on us from being too weary of helping us pick up the pieces of our shattered selves? How many chances before those whom we love and care for turn away from us? How many chances before our conscience and emotions catch up with us, or worse, become numb? How many chances before, we, become shattered irrepairably?

Just how many chances?

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Serenity and Acceptance

God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom
to know the difference.

Checks and Balances

It's oh so easy to dispense advice, welcomed or not to a friend. I'm sure I've doled out some Aunt Aggie-ish advice on relationship problems to my friends. But when it comes to our own problems, so often do we overlook these pearls of wisdom that we dish out ever-readily to someone else. You know, the whole drill about picking your battles, to compromise and to empathise. It just goes out the window when you are the one who is directly involved. I'm never one who picked and chose my battles carefully. Seemingly inconsequential issues can be magnified a hundred times and blown way out of proportion. My excuse? That I know I'm right and that's all that matters. Which is a foolish thing to do when 2 persons are involved. The notion of a right answer, no matter how logical it may seem, varies in extremes. To insist in individual ways would just distance each other.

Maybe I'm still not quite there yet (but I'm learning!) in terms of relating to another person. Sensitivity and empathy to me, in a warped way, is the marking of someone weak. Not that I'm incapable of either, of course. But I'd rather not be too altruistic in my actions and wear my heart on my sleeve. I just don't think it necessary. A silent and mutual acknowledgement of support is sufficient and good enough. And I do believe that I'd always been supportive in whatever we may have done. It's just unfortunate that sometimes, we choose to only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe in. And ignore whatever good that has been done previously. Hence, the need to choose your battles carefully.

It can never be smooth-sailing, neither do I want my life to. I want all the good stuff, but I don't want a free ticket. That'd be too easy. Shit will inevitably hit the roof. For every perfect one week, comes another two of hard work. You have to work hard at it. All conflicts and arguments, I hope that it'd be constructive. Without resentment, without ego. Yes, it's all been said before. I suppose when facing a crossroad, I had been enlightened given the extreme circumstances, and only now, can I say what I've said with conviction.